Friday, August 13, 2010

Family Friday - Reflections

3 & 4 year old first day of preschool pictures.

It always surprises me when I become emotional about something I don't think I'm going to get emotional about.

Enter my firstborn starting Kindergarten in 3 weeks.

She's ready. She's excited. She will thrive.

I'm ready. I'm excited. I will thrive too.

At least I THOUGHT all that stuff.

As of two nights ago I decided:

I'm not ready - I could use another year.

I'm not excited - I'm afraid she'll get lost on her way from my car to her classroom.

I will not thrive - I will be lonely.

I know these feelings are normal, I just didn't expect to have them. I burst into tears as I was laying in bed the other night thinking about how I will see my daughter for MAYBE 4 hours a day after 5 years of having her attached at my hip. I don't do anything by myself.

I had to think; have I used the time I've had with her to the best of my capabilities? Did I teach her all she needed to know before starting school? How to behave? How to be kind? How to be strong and independent?

Did I yell too much? Did I play enough? Does she know how much I love her? Will she be safe?

All that to say, the next day, we read books, sang songs, played barbies and I let her paint my toes. :)

I'm going to miss having my baby girl with me all day every day. I know there will be plusses, and with the new baby coming soon, it'll ultimately be a blessing, but I can't help but shed a tear over a season ending.

I'm very glad, however, at the season beginning. I'm excited for Hannah and I know she's ready to embark on this new adventure! So, I'll be ready too, to hold her hand and guide her through albeit from a further distance than I'd prefer!

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