Wow, it's the last day of 2010. How much my life has changed this year.
I can honestly say that this year has brought me the most intense ups and downs.
Maybe it's the postpartum emotional state I'm in anyway, but I get emotional just thinking about it.
At the beginning of the year I had a miscarriage. It was something that was too painful for me to talk about for months. After waiting so long for another baby, it just seemed unfair, but I was secure in knowing that God had a plan and knew what he was doing. It just hurt so bad. I still think about that little baby and it's hard for me to say that I only have two children when anyone asks - because in my heart, I have three.
A month after our sad loss, we found out we were pregnant again. We were overjoyed but kept quiet for a while out of fear.
In June we moved back into the house I grew up in. How stressful! But, I love the house and it's perfect for our family. I love having a finished game room, two bathrooms, and a cul-de-sac for the girls to play on. Our street is so much quieter. I do miss my old neighbors, but the new ones are pretty cool too!
Hannah started Kindergarten in the fall. Academically, she does fantastic. I was not, however, prepared for the emotional struggle she would have leaving me every morning. We'd both end up in tears and the after school exhaustion only made things more difficult. We finally got into a pattern and routine and things settled down. Moving, starting full-day Kindergarten and having a baby sister on the way is a lot for a five year old - especially when moms lap, though still welcoming, is shrinking! While excited about all of this, she also had a lot of anxiety and fear. I guess this is just part of the journey of parenting and growing up.
Then, during the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy, the doctors informed me that little Emma Grace wasn't growing like she should. This began the 10 weeks of constant worrying, monitoring, testing, and specialist visits to check on her. I'm grateful for the doctors and their precaution. That's important to me. They wanted to induce a week before my due date. We packed up and got ourselves ready only to be sent home after the induction failed. I'm glad they didn't force the induction, but boy was I disappointed to come home with Emma still in my belly. A week later, November 29, 2010 at 12:58pm, little Emma Grace made her entrance into the world. She was a peanut at 5lb 14oz and 18 inches long, but she was perfectly healthy and beautiful. There's nothing like the pure bliss of holding your baby in your arms for the first time.
I feel like things are going pretty smoothly and I'm thankful that, through all of this, my eyes have stayed healthy. I pray they stay that way! I'm anxious about germs and sickness because of the season and the holidays - and at 4 weeks, Emma has already had a cold. I thank God she hasn't had a fever or breathing issues. As I sit here looking at a full year gone by, my family recovering from the excitement of celebrating our Savior's birth and from colds (Matt's just getting hit with it now,) I'm grateful to God for saving my life and for blessing me with a family that I couldn't have thought up in my wildest of dreams. I have a husband who is unlike any other and two gorgeous and amazing little girls. I pray that they grow up serving and loving the God who has blessed our family in so many ways.
I pray that the beauty of this year carries over in the many to come. I pray that our family and yours is blessed with health and joy and peace. I pray that I can serve God with all that's in me, do everything as if I'm doing it for him and cast my cares and concerns onto Him fully, trusting that He's going to take care of things.
My family has been through so many transitions this year, but as I sit on the floor in Hannah's room, listening to Matt read her stories and look at Emma sleeping next to me (serenading me with some serious GAS) - I am at peace and filled with a contentment that brings me so much joy.
Thank you for the part that YOU have played in our lives this year. We have been so blessed by the love of family and friends on this journey and we love each and every one of you who has touched us in one way or another.
I leave you with a verse that gets me through life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.