Monday, April 18, 2016

When you feel like you just can't get it right...

I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.  Romans 7:21-25

I want to be a perfect mom.

No, really. Some days I'm content with progress. I'm content with progress until I make a mistake.

The past couple of days, it's felt like I'm making mistake after mistake. I'll do so well and then screw something up. And then, all I can see is the negative.

I'm a perfectionist and if there's one job I want to perfect, it's not screwing up my kids.

I know in my heart that perfection is impossible.

I know in my heart that I'm human.

I know in my heart that I pour out so much of myself to serve my family every day.

I know in my heart that most days, I'm doing just fine.

I know in my heart that relying on the grace that God gives has helped me to grow in so many areas of my life.

I know in my heart that I can't take all the blame or all the credit when it comes to raising my kids.

But there are those little whispers in my ear that are so hard to quiet. They get louder the more I listen to them. The voice that says I'm not good enough. The voice that says I'm a failure. The voice that says I'm causing irreparable damage when I lose my cool. (Not that I ever had any cool to begin with.)

Why do I write this today? I don't need encouragement. I don't need a pat on the back. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm a good mom. I know Truth. I know the lies that I let seep into my soul. I know that I make some pretty crappy parenting mistakes. I know that I'm pretty awesome at showing my kids love. I know that they know they are loved and blessed.

I write this because I want to know I'm not alone. I write this because I want you to know that you're not alone. Whether it's parenting or any relationship that requires hard work, we all fall short, and thats okay.

To be honest, these words are hard to publish. Even as I type them, I want to delete them all. However, we all have bad days. Most of us don't want to blast social media with them, but our not-so-shining moments are daily thorns for all of us. The thought of people seeing us as we really are is mortifying...So, here I am, imperfect, flawed, damaged...just like you. I will press on toward the goal and I hope you will join me.

Let us do the next right thing together.

But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:7

The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us… Hebrews 12:1

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